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Singleness Sucks

Hey babe!

Honest title because let’s be honest, this is a tough subject if you're single & don't want to be or didn't think you would be at this point…holy heck I know how you feel. I used to get so annoyed hearing married Pastors talk about how tough it is to be single & how they get it & maybe the key first is to just be ok with the fact God may NEVER send someone.

Oh my gosh that was depressing as heck.

I always thought 'God put this desire in my heart & now I'm supposed to be OK with it just not happening?!'

Anyways, I am in a relationship now. We met after I stood up for myself when a guy had stood me up 3 times... why I let him have a chance after the 1st or 2nd time? I could say I don't know, but honestly I just thought the options were slim Pickens so I'll see if he gets better. (not a wise plan)

But I stood up for myself, said I wasn't impressed & expected more so I wished him the best but had to move on. I had my friend proof read it multiple times to make sure I sounded ‘firm and confident, yet not rude’ lol

After that, we went to sing karaoke & somehow even after seeing me sing "Shallow" by Lady Gaga (a song I didn't even know), Kyle came up and we chatted.

All this to say, is just know you’re not alone in that feeling. Whether you’re 30 and never kissed someone or 25 and never had a relationship, I’ve been in that sh*tty boat with you!

I didn’t have my first kiss til I was 25 & wasn't in an ‘official’ relationship til 28. I stayed so focused on school, work, I didn’t let people in, I didn’t have confidence to go up & talk to a guy. Heck, I didn’t get my boyfriend's number the first night… he gave me the finger gun with a friendly ol 'see ya'... so I thought 'well that was fun but dumb' lol The way I got in touch with him was I stalked him on facebook & was a nerd and accidentally ‘waved’ at him on messenger!!

Below is a video from 2 years ago. If you want to see me where some of you may be, there you go. My heart honestly felt like it was braking. I remember driving to the place in Kansas thinking ‘I NEED God to show up somehow because I can’t continue to struggle like this’. I thought God didn’t hear me – nobody wanted to commit to me - I couldn’t find joy and confidence when I felt so stuck & confused.

I wrote on a piece of paper all my insecurities and burned it… which was oddly scary because THINKING of living without ‘insecurities’ & ‘depression’ was going to make for a “new me”.

I didn’t know how to function without those honestly. I’d get ready with insecurity. I send a text with doubt. I go out & get depressed because I’m not the one someone would come up to. I’d run a business & doubt that people cared. My life was formed in those things & extended family had planted those struggles into my mind since I can remember.

But babe, living that way is SO hard. You’ve got to set aside your need to look perfect or impress. Be yourself, stand up for yourself & enjoy your life. I honestly don’t think God will put that desire in your heart to find someone & then just leave you hanging with a lonely, broken heart. He’s not out to hurt you, I promise.

A relationship doesn’t fix everything by any means and while you may think it’ll solve some stuff, it may, but you still need your validation & relationship with God because your partner can’t fulfill all of your needs. I’ve broke down wishing Kyle would give me more validation because if he doesn’t say something, my mind assumes he doesn’t think it. But how silly because we are made in the image of God. Yes your partner should be encouraging but it’s not break down worthy if they aren’t covering all your confidence needs ;)

This blog is longer than normal, but my goal is really to just reach out with honesty and show someone they aren’t alone. I understand that heartbreak and I am so sorry if you’re dealing with it. Heck, if I could become a consoler for single people who think God left them hanging, I would because it freakin sucks! But like you’ve probably heard 1,000x just be patient and prepare in this time your finances, confidence, job, living situation etc. because who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone tomorrow and be engaged 6 months from now. Stuff can happen quick!!! So just wait and be yourself when you go out and meet new people-someone will see how wonderful and beautiful you are and not let you go back out into that ‘annoying sea of all the people to date’… which I think is an average sized lake, because there just aren’t many good options lol

And skip on a minnow or crappie in that dating lake of people, wait for a good lookin bass! ;)

With love, Keilee

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