Boundaries VS. Grudges

Boundaries VS. Grudges... oh my goodness this is something that is too good to pass up clarifying. Why? Because there can be unnecessary guilt when you have boundaries but in reality they can be so healthy to have.

Growing up there was family tension with extended family & it always was conveniently interpreted that if you didn't feel comfortable around them, you were just being petty & holding a grudge.

Trying to protect your sanity/emotions/separate yourself from verbal & mental abuse/protect your significant other from being included in the sh*tshow.... that's not because you have a grudge. It's putting up a boundary.

A grudge is a 'persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from past insult or injury; being resentfully unwilling to give, grant or allow forgiveness.'

Most of the time, if there's genuine hurt or uncomfortable-ness, you may not be unwilling to grant forgiveness from the past, but you very well just want peace which is what a boundary leads you towards.

Basically, I can promise I wish no ill will on the people I have boundaries with. Can I not want to be around them though? 100%.

It took me a long time to get used to the fact that boundaries aren't a negative thing- it's pretty much having pride & respect for yourself. And not only are you benefiting from it, but your spouse or kids may too.

There's a book, plainly called 'Boundaries' that so many Pastors, as well as my counselor have recommended that I read - if you start to read it, apply what's acceptable and what's not, you begin to allow yourself to change the scenarios that hurt you. And there's a funny saying that if people get upset about you having boundaries, they were probably the ones who benefited most from us using you ;)